Danielle and I were married a few years ago now but I still remember how nerve wracking it was trying to come up with the “perfect” words to say to her in front of our closest friends and family. Not only are you making promises for life but you’re likely opening up emotionally in front of people that you might not have done so before. I would estimate that in around 75% of the weddings we film couples read their own vows to each other and it is such a great way to make your ceremony a little more personal and meaningful. I’m so happy that we wrote our own vows and I’m positive that when a couple watches their wedding film and hears the emotion in their voices they are too.
HOW TO WRITE YOUR OWN VOWS (The Kismet Method)
So what is the best way to come up with your own vows? I believe the worst thing you can do is sit down with a pen and paper. You’re trying to climb a mountain of emotion! You’re beginning the process with a blank piece of paper and all you can think about is how badly you don’t want it to be blank! And when you do finally write something down it looks a little cheesy. This is a process that requires baby steps. First of all, just concentrate on trying to come up with some content, good or bad.
Think about what state of mind you’re in when you come up with your most creative ideas. Maybe go for a walk and clear your mind or lay back on the couch and close your eyes. For myself, I went for a drive and set the “voice memo” app on my iphone to record. I played our favourite music on the stereo and thought about our relationship. After a while I just started talking to myself about how I felt, not just in the present, but how I felt when we met and how I hoped I would feel in the future. I talked about my favourite things about our relationship ad about Danielle. When I got home I listened through everything I had said and wrote down my favourite lines and phrases. At that point I had all the content I needed and it was just time for a little editing and tweaking.
You want to think of your vows as a mini story. And by that I mean structure it with a beginning, middle and an end. Take a look at all the lines you wrote down and group them together. The beginning stuff might be phrases that talk about how you felt when you first met or even something like “I can’t believe I’m standing here today”. You’re looking for phrases that set you up get you into the main part of your vows. The middle will likely be the bulk of your vows. These are your promises and commitments. Just like a hero faces a series of “trials” in the middle of a story think about what “trials” you might face together as a couple. How will you overcome those? What promises will you make so that your partner knows that your relationship can take on life’s ups and downs.
Next you want to round of your vows with something fitting. Take a look through your content and see if anything jumps out. You could reference the future (“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you”) or it could even be some kind of giving of thanks (“thank you for making me the person I am today, I love you”). OK, those lines aren’t exactly corkers, but you get the picture.
Finally you’ll need to edit those vows and trim the “fat”. Honestly, your vows don’t need to be 2 pages long. And you don’t need to say “I love you so much” seven times (they already know that!). Is there anything you’ve said twice? Are there any words you put in just because you thought you should? Remember, this is a genuine statement, coming straight from the heart and often simpler is better. Show the vows to a couple of friends and see what they think. Having a set of fresh eyes is so important (by the way, make sure to do all of this at least a few weeks before your wedding!).
READING YOUR VOWS
Whether you’re reading your own vows or traditional vows it doesn’t hurt to practice so that you can deliver your lines with confidence and be heard. No matter what, you’re going to get emotional and a little forgetful. So write them out nice and clearly and give yourself the freedom to glance at the words every now and again. In an ideal situation you’ll know everything by heart (very difficult!) but at the very least memorise your final line(s) so that you can look straight into their eyes deliver some of the most meaningful words you’ll ever say.
In the end there is no real “magic bullet” answer to writing your vows but I hope that our advice helps someone out there. Take a look through our films and see who inspires you. What sounded good to you and what wasn’t your cup of tea. As I said above, its all about baby steps. Start early and take your time. We’re always happy to help and we wish you the best of luck!